Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
