:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
