Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
