saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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