If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
