Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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