i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
