well I can't set my house on fire every night
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
