I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
