at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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