that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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