yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
