i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
