He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
