We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
