Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
