hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
