he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
