Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
