The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
