i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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