we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Found the puke drawer
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
