whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
