Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
