Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
