The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
