I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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