So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
