the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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