dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
