she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
