i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
