So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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