Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
