Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
