maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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