i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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