hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
