I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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