oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Someone shit on the floor
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
