I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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