just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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