Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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