I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
