believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
