I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
