I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
