hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
