Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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