Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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