I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
