What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
