That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
