i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
