Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
